You're Not Gonna Hug Me, Are You?
by Maran Zelde
Summary: The Florpus incident made Dib and Gaz reach a new understanding. Now Dib wants to know exactly where his sister stands. "You know how you said you only torment me because you know I can handle it? Then you must think I'm the toughest person in the world." Oneshot.


A/N: This fanfic contains SPOILERS for "Enter the Florpus." If you haven't watched it yet, you should do it now. If you don't have Netflix, get the free trial – it's well worth it.

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"Which movie shall I choose for you, Clembrane?" asked Professor Membrane as he scrolled through the options on the streaming menu. "Stormy with a Side of Pudding? It looks like a children's film, but that sounds perfect for you."

Gaz rolled her eyes. "Dad, you're not supposed to ask the person you're picking for what you should pick. It takes the fun out of it."

Dib jumped down from the couch. "I'm gonna make some popcorn while you pick a movie for Clembrane, okay?"

"Food is Foodio 3000's purpose!" cried Foodio 3000, straightening his metal form.

"I know, but I kinda miss popping popcorn. I haven't done it in _ages_," said Dib, walking toward the kitchen.

Clembrane gave Foodio a pat on the shoulder with his tiny hand. "You make plenty of other foods, Foodio. You do good."

Foodio smiled hopefully and made a sniffing noise. Gaz had no idea why her dad had programmed the food service robot to do that.

"Alright," said Foodio. "If you need any help, Dib, just say the word and Foodio will come to your aid!" He raised a mitted hand for emphasis.

"I'll do that." Gaz couldn't see Dib's face from where she was standing, but she could tell he was rolling his eyes.

"I'm getting a soda," she said, following Dib. "Anyone want anything?"

"Your best daddy wants regular Poop Cola!" hollered Clembrane.

Membrane chuckled. "He's right! Make that two Poop Colas, honey."

Gaz opened her eyes and turned around to stare at him. "You sure you don't want a diet cola, Dad?"

"What are you saying?" her dad leaned forward, his tone suddenly sharp. "Are you calling me fat?"

Gaz's jaw dropped as she reeled back slightly. "I'm–" She never apologized, but for her dad, she might make an exception.

Her dad burst into laughter. "I'm just kidding, honey!"

Clembrane cracked up, clutching his sides. "Oh, he got you good!"

"You're right, I do need to lose about thirty pounds!" Membrane added in a good-natured voice. "Better get me a diet Poop after all."

Gaz feebly attempted to guffaw. "Ha. Ha. Yeah. Okay. You sure had me going." She pivoted to face the kitchen door. "Well, those sodas aren't gonna get themselves." Brushing past her brother, Gaz fled to the kitchen while trying not to look like she was fleeing.

Dib slipped through the door and shut it behind him. "I like this new tradition of picking movies for each other to watch," he commented as he trotted over to the cabinet where they kept the snacks. "You're gonna love the movie I'm picking for you."

Groaning softly, Gaz said, "This better not be payback for the movie _I_ picked for you."

Dib's eyes narrowed. "The flat Earth documentary?"

"I thought they made some strong arguments," she said evenly.

"We've been to space!" Dib waved his arms. "All the children made a literal ring around the globe and teleported it to another part of the galaxy!"

"According to the rest of the world, that was a mass hallucination caused by a malfunction in the Membracelets," recited Gaz, crossing her arms.

Dib moaned. "Don't get me started, Gaz. I keep trying to convince Dad that it was real, but he still won't believe me! He won't even believe his own eyes! Isn't it just as unlikely that everyone in the world hallucinated the exact same thing as it is that the world really did teleport and get sucked into a tear in the fabric of space-time?"

Gaz opened the refrigerator. "Have a Poop," she said, handing him a can.

Snickering, he took the soda. "That hasn't stopped being funny!"

Gaz smirked. It felt strangely nice to make her brother laugh, even if the joke was stupid.

Dib popped the top and took a drink. "At least Dad's spending more time with us now. Before, I couldn't even argue with him. He was always too busy. And now we have a fake dad – two if you count Foodio. There are more dads than kids now." Dib set down his drink and grabbed the box of popcorn out of the cabinet. "Crazy, huh? It's as if the Universe is making up for all that time Dad wasn't here."

"Dad's been spending more time at home for awhile," said Gaz, pulling out two more regular sodas and a diet soda. "You just didn't realize it because you were holed up in your room."

"Oh," Dib said quietly. "I let that go on way too long, didn't I?"

"Ya think?" Gaz asked caustically.

"And to think, Zim was in his toilet the whole time!" Dib tossed a bag of popcorn inside the microwave and slammed the door shut with more force than necessary.

"Aliens." Gaz shook her head. "Go figure."

Dib set the cook time and started watching the carousel spin. Thinking this was the end of the conversation, Gaz gathered up the soda cans and turned to leave.

However, before she reached the door, Dib said, "Gaz?"

She stopped. "Yeah?"

"You know how you said you only torment me because you know I can handle it?"

She turned to face him. "That's right."

He was gazing at her with serious brown eyes – eyes that reflected her own. "Then you must think I'm the toughest person in the world."

Keeping her tone casual, Gaz replied, "I mean, you _did_ save the Earth a few times."

Dib leaned back, a smile slowly spreading across his face. "So you admit it." Shaking his head, he added, "You know, I've never understood why you don't tell anyone else about me saving the Earth – or about Zim being an alien."

Gaz sighed and set the cans back on the counter, relieving herself of the cold metal pressing against her skin. "Look, Dib, I'm just one kid. I'm good at a lot of things, but persuasion isn't one of them. It's not that I don't care at all. I have to live on this planet, and it's where I keep all my stuff. But if told people that Zim is an alien who keeps trying to destroy the Earth, they'd just think I was crazy too."

Dib slumped. "So it's can't win, don't try?"

Gaz shrugged, feeling helpless. It was a terrible feeling, which was why she tended to avoid it. "Well, the other thing is, most people don't _want_ to believe in aliens. They want to stay in their comfort zone where the world makes sense to them, as awful as it is sometimes. They don't want to live in a universe with things like the Florpus and the alien armada, and those other aliens that imprisoned Dad without trial or sentence!" She clenched her jaw at the injustice of it all.

Dib seized on her righteous anger. "Doesn't that make you want to _do_ something to help prevent that from happening again?"

She rubbed her forehead. "I guess I can't assume Zim's plans are just gonna backfire anymore." She took a deep breath and went on, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but keep me in the loop about what Zim's planning next. "

Dib's eyes lit up. "You really mean it?"

"Yeah, I guess I do. And do me a favor, will you? Stop falling for Zim's tricks. You're smarter than that, even if you don't always _act_ like it."

He deflated just a bit. "Thanks, I think." He took a sip from his soda and glanced sidelong at her. "You know, if I had someone to spy on Zim with me, that person could let me know if Zim's trying to trick me."

Gaz grumbled, "Alright, _maybe_ every once in a while I'll go with you to Zim's house _if_" she held up a finger, "you come with me to some of my gaming contests and watch me win."

"It's a deal, Gaz." He grinned broadly. "I never thought the two of us could ever be a real team, and now it's finally happening!" His eyes shimmered. Gaz was afraid he might cry tears of joy, or even give her a hug.

"Come on, man," she said. "You're not gonna hug me, are you?"

Dib looked genuinely confused, his brow wrinkling. "What? No, of course not."

This reaction hurt Gaz's feelings, although she told herself it was irrational to feel this way. She didn't want to hug Dib, but she wanted him to want to hug her.

"Are you sure?" She opened one eye. "Because I'd understand if you do."

Dib shook his head. "No – I mean yes, I'm sure. I haven't wanted to hug you since that time you pushed me off the table when I was three."

"I was two! They call it the terrible twos for a reason!" She pointed at him. "And you weren't even supposed to be _on_ that table!"

Dib threw up his hands. "So, what, you _want_ me to hug you now? After all this time?"

Her eyes lapsed back into their practiced squint. "No, but . . ." She stretched out her arm toward him, making a fist. He bumped his fist to hers without her needing to say anything else.

Then she smelled something burning. "Is that . . ."

"The popcorn!" Dib opened the microwave door and waved away the smoke that spewed forth.

"Foodio has heard your cry for help!" cried Foodio, bursting through the kitchen door. "Foodio is literally built for this!"

Gaz smirked at Dib. "Hey, we had a heartfelt moment that lasted four minutes. That's gotta be a record for us." She gathered up the Poop cans once more. "Come on, let's go watch the movie."

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A/N: Look at me, writing for this fandom again after, what? Five years? That's the power of the Florpus, my friends.

Gaz has never been one of my favorite characters. She seemed too vindictive and petty in many episodes, and whenever she was the main focus she was too competent to make the plot interesting. However, in "Enter the Florpus," Gaz shows tough love as opposed to being abusive. She's the only one willing to go near Dib when he's in his funk, she actually admits when she's wrong, and she justifies the times when she is hard on Dib. It's like Jhonen listened to some of the fans' criticisms of Gaz and made her more well-rounded and likable. Granted, none of these characters are especially deep, but this special made it easier for me to look for depth in them.


End file.
